The plan was to move to Nashville, open a restaurant, manage recording artists and have a good time. First the restaurant thing fell through. Then the music business was taking too much time in return for making no money. My lease was expiring and we were all going our separate ways, so with the world before me I moved to Portland, OR. I was able to get a transfer through Starbucks so I at least had some net under me when I got there.

I rented an apartment site unseen. A two-bedroom - because I could. There were some friends of a friend living there so I connected with them a little bit. They had a buddy that was moving up there a month after me, so I let him sleep on my floor. I hate it that I can't remember that guy's name. He was a really nice guy, but he kind of hogged my TV and on the few days that I didn't have to get up at 3:30 in the morning, he would leave early. He rode a Harley when it wasn't raining and when he cranked the engine it shook the whole building.

And yeah, 3:30 in the morning. 30 minutes to just become coherent and 30 minutes to drive into work. One morning there was a high speed chase on the freeway and I thought, "there's no way anyone will believe that I was late because of a high speed chase at 4am.

Portland is a unique place. In some ways it is very much "me" and in other ways it is absolutely not. If you come from the south, the people there might at first strike you as cold and uncaring. What's interesting is that that is the completely untrue. They are actually so concerned about not offending or hurting anyone that they keep you at 10 ft. so that you won't feel like they are invading your space.

The first question I got a lot was: Why don't you sound like you're from Texas? At which point I would break out a redneck voice that would crack them up. The second question was: Why would you want to come here? Why not. Everyone looks down on the place they are from. Just the way it is.

Anyway, I was mostly isolated and didn't have the confidence to really make any friends or do anything more than just go to work, church, grocery store, library and the mall that was directly across the street. I listened to a lot of music. I drank a lot of coffee. I read a lot of books. I watched a lot of movies. After the previous 5 months of fairly heavy drinking, it was a good change of pace and a chance to clear my head.

I quickly began looking into seminary. There is a satellite campus of one of the Baptist seminaries in Vancouver, WA (40 min. north) but they only offered classes on Mon and Tues. My boss wouldn't guarantee me work on the other five days so I just couldn't make that work. At the same time, my dad was about to have major surgery and it wasn't really clear how mobile he would be afterward. So, while I had planned on staying for at least a year, I only made it about 3.5 months. It was hard to not think of this as failure, but I knew that I was taking the right "next step" and that's all that really mattered.

I swore I would not come back to the Fort Worth area and I swore I would not go to Southwestern Seminary. I was wrong.

[like I said, I didn't really connect with much of anyone while I was there. I did reconnect with some old friends that I had lost touch while living my rockstar lifestyle. James really helped me to clarify my decision to move back. God, in his fabulous sense of irony, placed me in the least churched state in America in a Starbucks filled with Bible college students, graduates, or former students. Marc really made me feel like I belonged. I still trade a facebook message or two with him each year.]

If you are ever in the Portland area, make it a point to venture out to Multnomah Falls. I'm not a nature person, but this is one of my favorite places on earth.

Part Five: College

[Shoutouts: Ryon, Brendan, Tony Macaroni, Liz]

Part Six: College Employment

[Shoutouts: BJ, Dave, Trent, derek, Donnie, Matt, Shane, Shane, Bebo, Jenny, Ryan, Ryan, Travis]

As I mentioned before, I did a couple of stints as the BSM janitor. The pay wasn't great, but it rented me some movies. There was a decent amount of free food involved and I was already there so it was nice to get paid.

One summer I sold my soul to the fund raising call center. I raised a total of $0 funds, played some kickball, listened to Jay-Z and made enough money to rent a few more movies.

In the fall of 2001, I worked my first concert. I had the opportunity to volunteer and then see the show for free. I actually don't think I even went in to see the show. I was having more fun in the lobby. (Side note: this girl named Katy Hudson was the opening act. About a decade later, she changed her name and hair color recorded some songs, won some awards, made tons of money, married Russell Brand and got divorced a couple of months later.)

Anyway, I ended up connecting with the guy who ran the show and volunteered for every other show he had going. We convinced the school that this was an internship and so I got school credit for listening to music (research) and planning concerts. Not a bad gig. On the flip side, the whole process kind of ruined concert-going for me for years. I just can't enjoy the experience any more really. (I saw Frightened Rabbit play last year and it was the first concert I've really been captivated by in a long time.)

We had some crazy times. During my last semester of school, I only had classes on M-W-F. We had one two-week window with 3 shows in 10 days. Show One: 8 hrs away. Show Two: 6 hrs away. Show Three: 3 hrs away. The first two shows were on consecutive Thursday nights, so we left out as soon as I got out of class on Wed, drove to the town the show was in and crashed on someone's floor. We ran the shows all day on Thursday (say 10am-12am days) then hopped in the SUV and got me back to class by 10am on Friday. The rock star life.

I forgot to mention that I got to work two shows back to back for one of my favorite bands. There was a tornado sighting near the venue (after the show) so we had to spend the night in this university auditorium with the band. Sounds cool, right. Let's just say, they weren't my favorite band anymore after that night - and only 50% of that was for artistic reasons.

I ended up working in the music business for 2.5 years. It had its highs and lows. I love the business of it. The lifestyle makes it nearly impossible. The personalities (especially the one that I developed) make it nearly unbearable.

Eventually I needed to make some money and they were opening up a Starbucks in town, so I printed an application off the internet and took it into the construction site hoping to find the manager. The interview went like this:

Me: I wanted to see if you had any more openings. *hands application*
Manager: *glances at application* I just hired my last supervisor. Are you ok with being a barista?
Me: Sure.
Manager: Ok, come back next Tuesday for training. Fill out these forms and bring them with you.

Shortly after starting at Starbucks, i quit the music business. I kept crazy, stupid hours. I reconnected with friends that I had lost touch with while doing music stuff.

I had been planning on moving to Nashville, but when the music stuff fell out I was left with a hole in my schedule. I decided to move to Portland, OR because I could.

As I mentioned last time, after 3 semesters, I was pretty much done with the Information Systems program. I was miserable. With my newfound involvement in the BSM, my summer-after-highschool commitment to God, and my lifetime in the church I felt like the thing I should do is become a youth minister. There was a Christian college just down the street from where I was currently enrolled so it seemed like I could make a simple transition and not really disrupt my life all that much.

When I presented this plan to my parents (who graciously paid my way through school) their reaction was something to the effect of: "It's really great that you want to serve the church and we want you to do that... just get your degree here, get a real job and then work in the church on the side and maybe get your seminary degree later." (To be fair, in retrospect, this was a good plan.) Here's the thing, though. When discussing such matters with someone - especially someone who is passionate about their point - you have to realize that you're not talking about career choice, your talking about Calling. In my mind, it wasn't my choice to make; it was God's place to direct me and it was my job to follow. Knowing, however, that this was a battle I would not be able to win, I acquiesced and determined simply change my major to something that I thought could benefit the church - Public Relations.

Changing my major was like coming up for air after being trapped underwater. The classes were great. The professors were great. The classmates were - ok, I guess. I got to do an internship in a job that I was already working (more on that later).  I enjoyed what I was doing and I was pretty good at it.

And so I graduated from college with my BA in Public Relations (General Business minor) a mere 5 days before my 21st birthday.

When I first arrived, I got plugged into the Baptist Student Ministry (BSM) where I ended up meeting a ton of people that had a huge impact on me. I'm glad to say that a few of them are still part of my life. By my second semester, though, I was pretty much falling apart mentally. There was a lot of stuff, but the biggest way it presented itself was paranoia. In the midst of this craziness, however, I connected with a girl from the BSM who reached out and brought me into her circle of friends. She made me come out of my dorm room and do stuff with them and when the time came to apply for BSM leadership roles the next year she pretty much told me that I had to do it. I like to say that she saved my life. Certainly, I would still be here without her, but I wouldn't be where I am without her.

I stayed involved in BSM for another two years and held several different leadership roles. I was also the janitor there for a year. I absolutely loved it. It was my home-away-from-home. In a way, it became my identity.

One thing that I felt was unique about my experience is that I had all of these like-minded conservative people that I hung out with, but I also had two or three non-church-going friends back at the dorm that I spent just as much time with. They weren't bad people by any means, just very different from my BSM friends. I think that my exposure to both groups really helped to balance me out and break a lot of the stereotypes (read: naivete) that I grew up with.

[Shoutouts: LB, Jeanna, Nate, Trent, Steven, Kyla, Kelly, Brent, Autumn, Dave, Cory, Ryon, Brendan, Tony Macaroni, Keith, Tonya, Jana, David, Krista, and a host of others]

The summer before college was something of a turning point. I was geared up and enrolled for classes in the fall. I already had my ID card and everything. Then I went to church camp for a week. It had a profound effect on me in a number of ways and left me very confused. I came away from it thinking that my plan was all wrong - but unsure of what was "right". In an overly emotional moment I actually said to God, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so you tell me and I'll do it. For the rest of my life, whatever you want me to do, I'm in." And I kind of left it at that.

Then there was this wild experience. I was hanging out one night and this song sort of came to me out of nowhere and I wrote it down. A couple of days later I went into my guitar lesson and offered to play this new song for my instructor (he was way cool. His name was Darren. I wish I knew his last name so that I could look him up now.) Anyway, by halfway into the song, this guy is weeping. And when it's all said and done, he says, "That song was for me." Then he proceeds to prophesy over me - go back to yesterday - conservative, fundamental - we don't do prophesy, unless it is firmly rooted in the Old Testament. (Side note: I hate that "prophe-see" and "prophe-sigh" are spelled the same way). He tells me that God says to stay the course that I'm on - that is, go to college where I'm registered - and everything will unfold from there... Then he prayed for me and the sinus pressure I had been suffering for several days was immediately gone.

I mean, what are you supposed to do with that?

So, I went to college.

[After writing this and moving on to the next episode, I felt a real need to recognize those people who played a huge part in each stage - call me sentimental or whatever - it's important for me to remember them. I'm sure I'll forget someone every time around but, oh well: Kristen, Nick, Jeng, Courtney, Darren]

I grew up in what we refer to as a "Christian home." We were fanatically involved in church. Sunday morning: of course. Sunday night: obviously. Wednesday night: is there any other option? But also a host of other activities from cleaning the building on Saturdays to Gym Night on Tuesdays. We were at church a lot. For the record, we're talking old school, fundamental, King James ONLY (because that's how God wrote it) church - you know the kind.

I also spent 8 of my 12 grade-school years in private Christian school. (I have a wealth of opinions about sending your kids to private school, but I don't have a 100% firm stance on whether it is a good or bad idea.)

My parents got divorced when I was 13. I ended up going to a (relatively) much more laid back church where I made some truly great friends. I also ended up in public school for 11th and 12th grades, but it was absolutely the suburbs so I wasn't shaken much from my conservative roots.

So that's what I was working with when I went to college...

March 2008 I went to work for a church.

July 2009 I went to work for a different church.

Dec 2010 I was unemployed.

May 2011 I started a new job in corporate America.

People are often intrigued by this. People who used to know me are surprised that I'm not working for a church. People who know me now are surprised that I did. It's been a strange journey.

When I was fired, I didn't talk about it too much and I certainly didn't blog about it. One, I needed to process my own feelings about it. Two, I didn't want any potential employers to think that I was bad-mouthing my former employer.

Finally, I'm ready to tell my story. I feel like I need to tell my story. I hesitate about how far back to go, so I'll try to keep it as current and relevant as possible, but I will be going all the way back, just so you have some context.

So, that's what you have to look forward to in the coming weeks.

1) No Schedule.

2) Only relevant content. More personal. No "filler".

This post is my first step toward that. Stay tuned. New post coming: whenever I decide (see #1 above).